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18 Biggest Ex-Back Lessons I’ve Learned in Five Years

Max Jancar
5 min readSep 17, 2023


I’ve been working with people who want to get their ex back for over five years now, had three major breakups myself, and chased and pursued after one of my exes for almost a year, only to fail spectacularly.

I’ve made every mistake in the book, and I’ve seen other people make every mistake in the book. Here are 18 of the most important lessons I’ve learned from everything.

Lesson 1: Most people think they need advice on how to get their ex back. However, what they actually need is self-development advice and therapy — lots and lots of therapy. The ex-back advice is simply a starting point.

Lesson 2: It’s not what you say, how you look, or even what you do that gets your ex back. It’s who you become that gets them back — what you stand for, represent, and embody. Put differently: It’s not about acting attractive that gets your ex back; it’s about actually becoming attractive that gets them back.

Lesson 3: Re-attracting an ex is mostly, if not entirely, a process of overcoming your insecurities, fears, and emotional baggage. All theory, lines, tactics, strategies, and persuasion or manipulation techniques are either petty details at best or pointless distractions at worst.

Lesson 4: An attractive, abundant, and healthy lifestyle trumps every “get your ex back” system out there, including every line, approach, script, pre-prepared message, gimmick, or technique.

Lesson 5: Don’t be friends with your ex. It never works out, especially not if you’re trying to use it as a backdoor for rekindling your relationship. A friendship can only blossom between you when it happens organically — without you (or your ex) forcing it to happen.

Lesson 6: Most people overestimate their ex’s attraction, which leads them to come off as too invested, emotional, and serious too soon, and, as a result, they sabotage themselves. They essentially start acting like they’re already together with their ex, even if they’re nowhere close. Therefore, always underestimate your ex’s attraction. For example: if, on a scale from 1–10, you think it’s at a 10/10, tone it down to at least a 7 or 6/10.

Lesson 7: Some things that are vastly overrated, if not completely useless: pre-prepared texts…



Max Jancar

Author, blogger, and entrepreneur. I write self-help advice for people going through heartbreak. Get my free cheat sheets: