Photo by Frederick Marschall on Unsplash

Look At What Your Ex Does (Not What They Say Or Mean)

Stop paying attention to what your ex says and means. Instead, focus on what they do to accurately gauge their attraction.

Max Jancar
6 min readSep 21, 2023


There’s a growing trend of guides helping people decipher the meaning behind their ex’s words so they can more easily gauge their overall attraction. You’ve probably come across a few already.

These guides go on to explain that when your ex tells you they hate you, it means they only hate the situation they’re in and, in fact, still love you. Or that when your ex says you deserve someone better, they’re actually trying to absolve themselves from any responsibility and guilt about the breakup. Or even that when they tell you it’s too late to get back together, they’re actually playing hard to get.

I get the appeal of this advice.

But the problem is that since you’re emotional during re-attraction, likely can’t think straight, and your ex’s words typically contain multiple meanings, taking them at face value almost always leads to an incorrect assessment of how they feel about you.

Your ex telling you how they hate you could simply mean that they hate you and want you to leave them alone. Your ex saying you deserve someone better may be their way of saying get away from me. Your ex telling you it’s too late might mean it’s actually too late to mend things because they’ve found someone else.

What’s even worse is that the incorrect assessment of your ex’s attraction level could also lead to unnecessary mistakes that diminish your chances of reconciling further. Like pushing forward when you should be backing off.

The point of all this is to say that gauging attraction by focusing on what your ex says and means can quickly get confusing. It can easily overwhelm a person, leading them astray. So here’s a different approach — a ridiculously more accurate and simple one, to my knowledge.

A Better Approach For Gauging Attraction

Instead of observing what your ex says and trying to decipher what it means, just look at what their actions suggest. Here are a few examples.



Max Jancar

Author, blogger, and entrepreneur. I write self-help advice for people going through heartbreak. Get my free cheat sheets: