The Self-Improvement Paradox: When Progress Feels Painful
Sometimes self-improvement efforts become self-defeating. That is, the more you strive to improve yourself, the worse you end up feeling.
Once we move past the initial post-breakup lull, often lasting 3–8 weeks, there typically comes a period of immense self-improvement. During this period we work on rebuilding our self-esteem, resolving our insecurities, learning valuable relationship skills, and so on.
However, many people face an interesting paradox during this time: their self-improvement efforts end up becoming self-defeating. In other words, the more they strive to improve themselves, the worse they feel.
This is The Self-Improvement Paradox. And here’s what it looks like in progress.
We try to air out all our emotional baggage. We attempt to strip ourselves of all insecurities and trauma. We strive to become the smartest, healthiest, fittest, richest, most magnetic version of ourselves.
All of these are noble pursuits.
It’s a shame, however, that they all lead to pain and disappointment. Because through obsessively chasing after them, we’re concurrently pursuing an unattainable ideal: perfection.
